Inkblots

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April 30, 2005

In Celebration of My 100th Post...

First off, this is my 100th post. So as a marker for this milestone, may I present…my April PhotoQuest. To see PhotoQuest assignments or participants, check out the sidebar on Flip’s blog.

Of course, there are just a few hours remaining in April, but let the record show that I got it in under the deadline.

The first shot: my sock drawer. Yes, that is a pair of tie-dye socks, just in case you noticed. A lot of my socks are in my dirty laundry basket, but you can get the idea. Separated by socks I wear with sneakers (on the left) and socks I wear with everything else (on the right).

Second shot: an electric socket. Since some of the PhotoQuesters are from other countries, this is a method of comparison.

Third shot: a frying pan. And no, that’s not grease sparkling on the pan. It’s clean, I promise. It must be some material in the lovely T-Fal non-stick coating.

Fourth shot: a sign at a gas station. This is a shot of one of the cheaper stations around. I wanted to go to a franchise that others outside of the US might not have heard of (I think Shell is pretty universal—or at least it seems to be according to The Amazing Race, because I seem to see a Shell station in every episode). I even drove to a more obscure gas station, but a group of guys that looked like they might be in a gang started edging over my way, so I quickly got back in my car and drove off. Oh, and the picture’s crooked. Drives me nuts, but I can’t get it cropped right in my photo software. Deal with it.

Final shot: my shampoo. Flip and Wyn both said that they use the same kind…and that’s also the brand in my shower. So to spice things up a bit, here’s some shampoo that my aunt gets for me sometimes. She’s a hair stylist, so she gets the Great Clips brand for me. The bottles are even on the ledge of my bathtub and that’s my shower curtain behind them! So you get an even bigger glimpse into my life!

I wasn’t in last month’s PhotoQuest because of some, um, extenuating circumstances (like homework), but one item on the last quest was a fake animal. I have lots of stuffed toys around (what kind of preschool teacher would I be without them?), but here’s one I’d like some ideas on. A student gave this to me last summer when I was in Belarus. It's either a bull or a buffalo--people have said both. (I was actually looking at the animals’s butt instead of his head, which would explain the delay in identifying the animal) Someone told me that a buffalo is a sign of good luck in Eastern European culture. Can anyone confirm or deny this? I’m just curious…

Posted by Anna at 06:20 PM | Comments (5) | TrackBack

It's All About Meme!

Ogre has created a new meme that has been going around my corner of the blogging world. Christopher tagged me to go next. Here are my answers. Please feel free to link up to your responses.

How this works: Immediately following there is a list of a bunch of different occupations. You must select at least 5 of them (feel free to select more). You may add more if you like to your list before you pass it on (after you select 5 of the items as it was passed to you). Each one begins with “If I could be…” Of the 5 you selected, you are to finish each phrase with what you would do as a member of that profession.

Once you’re done you get to tag three people you think will actually respond - and would have a good answer. Oh, and by all means, don’t forget to trackback to this post… and to Ogre’s original post so he can keep tracking the progress of his little creation.

If I could be a scientist…
If I could be a farmer…
If I could be a musician…
If I could be a doctor…
If I could be a painter…
If I could be a gardener…
If I could be a missionary…
If I could be a chef…
If I could be an architect…
If I could be a linguist…
If I could be a psychologist…
If I could be a librarian…
If I could be an athlete…
If I could be a lawyer…
If I could be an innkeeper…
If I could be a professor…
If I could be a writer…
If I could be a llama-rider…
If I could be a bonnie pirate…
If I could be a servicemember…
If I could be a photographer…
If I could be a philanthropist…
If I could be a rap artist…
If I could be a child actor…
If I could be a computer programmer…
If I could be a chicken-sexer...
If I could be a pilot...
If I could be a sports mascot (or the giant hotdog)...
If I could be a Zamboni machine operator at a hockey stadium...
If I could be a professional tightrope walker...

Here are mine:
If I could be a gardener, those poor flowers wouldn’t have a chance. I’ve inadvertently killed a cactus and an aloe plant. I would, however, hire a “gardener assistant” who would do the watering and the weeding. I would just go and sing to the flowers. Oh, wait—maybe that’s how they died to begin with.

If I could be a rap artist, I would purchase those shimmery gold lame’ pants that were on clearance at the half-price clothes store. When something is on extra clearance in a clearance store, you know it’s atrocious. Somehow, though, I think the pants would work if I was a beginning rap artist. Either that, or I’d look like a cheap hooker. I’m not sure which.

If I could be a computer programmer, I would have to have a good prescription insurance plan. That job would require tremendous amounts of Ritalin. I just don’t have the attention to detail that it needs. When I was younger, I used to get a magazine (I can’t even tell you now what it was) that had a page in the back that listed all the input codes to create a simple game for the good ol’ Apple IIe. I never ever got one of those to work, even though I’d spend hours tediously entering all the quotation marks and colons and random letters that the magazine listed. I would always have to give up after a few hours because I would get so frustrated.

If I could be a painter, I would make millions. I’ve never understood how splattering paint on a canvas like Jackson Pollock did is respected as great art—one of the preschoolers at school on Thursday covered me in splattered paint as I tried to contain his efforts onto the oatmeal container that would serve as a drum later. It could’ve passed for a Pollock work. If 4 year old Scottanius can paint like Pollock, I can too. See, I would paint something quickly, then spend my time inventing some sort of deeper sociocultural statement out of it. If I created a really profound meaning, my painting would become priceless…and I would become wealthy.

If I could be an architect, I wouldn’t design buildings like the Taj Mahal or even nifty things like Frank Lloyd Wright designed. Instead, I would design grocery stores. I would design simple methods to make grocery stores more efficient: aisles that are wide enough for two carts to go by each other even if the carts aren’t shoved up against the shelves, lines of traffic flow that mandate common courtesy rules like directional orientation (most people seem to follow the rules of the road where they keep their cart on the right side of the aisle, but there are some people who insist on defying this unspoken expectation and cause head-on collisions), and merger lanes when coming out of a blind aisle. Just like on the road. You have a few seconds to merge into traffic before the lane ends. It cuts down on accidents when you can’t see around the edge of the aisle, particularly on Wednesday mornings (Senior Citizen Day) at Kroger. Merger lanes or mirrors. I don’t know how many times people have pulled out of the aisle and broadsided my cart. Grr.

I added a few professions to the end of the list. As for the people that will answer this, I don't know. I'm so tardy in my blogging that most of my personal friends have already posted on their blogs and I don't have a whole lot of blogging friends yet. Maybe I can sweet-talk Carrie into helping me out??

Of course, any readers are more than welcome to comment and trackback. We can blogroll each other if you want...

How's that for a desperate plea for new e-buddies??

Posted by Anna at 02:38 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

Despite Popular Opinion...

I'm not dead.

I’ve just been a bad blogger lately. I apologize. I think one phrase sums up the whole ordeal: final papers in grad school.

In the past two weeks, I’ve written 8 papers, two of which were 30+ pages. But they’re finished now (not necessarily good, but finished), and so am I. Now the waiting game for grade reports begins. But at this point in my semester, I really don’t care.

And now my semester is over, as is my first year of grad school at Vanderbilt University. Whew.

You can post your sympathies or congratulations in the comments.

Posted by Anna at 02:36 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

Reposting #3, from April 20

The third post that got messed up:

You Really CAN Buy Everything There!
OK, so spending most of my life in small-town Missouri, I grew up
firmly believing that Wal-Mart truly is the mecca for shopping. If
it can't be found in Wal-Mart, it's not worth purchasing or
consuming.

But now it seems you can even buy something else in Wal-Mart: love.

Yes, friends, Wal-Mart now has a singles club. Sort of like
speed-dating but really not similar at all. Sheesh.

You can read about it here.

I wonder if, just for kicks, I could randomly tie red bows around
my cart at, say, Kroger, and get the same effect? Will a red bow
soon begin to symbolize singleness and scream, "Hello, I'm a loser!
Please talk to me because I'm desperate enough to adorn my cart
with a bright red bow just so you'll know I'm single!" As if single
people didn't have to suffer enough humiliation with the endless
questions about when they'll be getting married, now they have to
endure a bow on their cart! It's almost like the Scarlet Letter!
Scarlet A for adultery, Scarlet Bow for
no-chance-for-adultery-because-they're-not-attached!!

Posted by Anna at 02:33 PM | TrackBack

Reposting #1, from April 16

All my entries posted after April 14th have disappeared. Luckily, Christopher was able to find them for me. I can't get the comments that were saved for each post, but he recovered the posts. So here's my post from the 16th:

Three Is a Magic Number
When I got back to my apartment after dogsitting this past week, I
discovered not one, not two, but THREE packages waiting for me!

The first was a coupon book and organizer for Dollar General that
my mom got for me (thanks, Mom, and keep those coupons comin'!).
Dollar General started here in Nashville and there's one on just
about every block. That and Waffle Houses. Past readers know how
much I love the Waffle House. (The link will explain).

The second was a picture book I wanted from Overstock. Of course,
when I order from Overstock, I always end up with more in my cart
than I planned. So there were a few other books as well. Normally
that would be the highlight of my day, but today the third package
thrilled me to no end:

I got the School House Rock 30th Anniversary DVD! I'm having a
blast watching all the music video shorts from the 70s and 80s. I
surprisingly remember most of them (I mean, who can forget
"Conjunction Junction"??), but there are some I don't remember at
all.

Do you know what makes this even better? I got the DVD for free! I
ordered it from a catalog that a professor got for me, and she got
the catalog at a convention and it had a gift certificate attached!
So I used the gift certificate and now I own a wonderful 2-disc DVD
set with all the songs. I'm excited about the 2nd DVD, but I won't
let myself look at it until later. It has some nifty looking extras.

Excuse me while I go back to my video. "I'm Just a Bill" is next in
the lineup...

Posted by Anna at 02:26 PM | TrackBack

April 14, 2005

The Cat's Really Out of the Bag Now...

My heart is just now returning to its normal rate. Whew. I saw my life flash before my eyes.

I'm housesitting again this week. I had a coupon for some desperately needed new tennis shoes, so I stopped at the nearby mall for the shoes and also a trip into the half-price children's bookstore next to the shoe place.

The people at the bookstore gave me a big brown shopping bag. Because I had my hands full with moving everything else into the house (laundry, laptop, etc.), I combined all my purchases into that bag. Since I got here Tuesday, the bag has been sitting by one of the couches, still with my empty shoebox and a couple of kids books.

I decided to move the bag just a bit ago because the dog kept sniffing it and I wondered if there was something under the bag, like maybe a chew toy, that she was wanting. So I put my hands on the bag handles and lifted...

MMRROWWW! HISS!

It seems Sterling the cat had taken up residence inside my shopping bag. He literally jumped out of the bag, dug his claws into my jeans, and howled a very frightened meow. Then he darted off and ran under the boss's bed.

We're both not quite recovered yet. I think I may have given the cat a nervous breakdown. I'm not far from it myself right now. Whew.

So, in my sorry little pun, I must say that the cat is indeed out of the bag now...
(*for my foreign readers, "let the cat out of the bag" is an idiom for telling a secret!)

Posted by Anna at 10:09 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

April 13, 2005

Strange Names

I think kids' names are fascinating. Some of them are beautiful, some just unique, and others make me question what Mom was smokin' when she chose her baby's name.

I met a girl today, around 4th grade, named Takeela. As I visited with her, I kept thinking "why does that name sound so familiar?" Then I figured it out: it's pronounced exactly like Tequila.

I asked her if she had any siblings. She said, "Yeah, I've got a sister." I asked her sister's name and Takeela said, "Brandy."

Hmmm. Brandy and Tequila. Oh, and they also have a dog. His name is Bud. I didn't ask if he was named from Budweiser. Apparently Takeela didn't realize the future alcohol connotations, nor did she yet know how ruthlessly she will be teased some day...

Don't get me wrong. I'm not making fun of Takeela for getting a name with a clear connection with alcohol. I'm just thinking of that child and how she will feel when she walks into a store and discovers that she shares her name with liquor.
Poor kid.

Posted by Anna at 09:42 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

April 12, 2005

Questionable Content

Hey...
I've been getting quite a few emails telling me that comments are getting denied for "questionable content." I'm sorry about this, and the situation is getting remedied. Please don't let that deter you from coming back. I'm not denying your comments on purpose...even my own comment on this blog got denied!

We're working on it. Please continue to visit. Purty purty puh-leaze? I'm begging you...
*pleading voice*

Posted by Anna at 09:17 AM | TrackBack

April 11, 2005

CMA Awards

Tonight is the Country Music Association award ceremony. Even though I don't listen to country and wouldn't pay for a ticket, I saw some very interesting people on their way down to the Gaylord Entertainment Center. I drive right Broadway (the main tourist street in Nashville) to get from campus to my apartment, and I enjoyed watching all the people head that way while I was sitting at the stoplight. Almost everyone had cameras, but it was the wardrobes that were interesting. I don't know if they have the "red carpet" for the CMA awards like they do with other music awards, and I know the spectators don't get to walk the carpet. But they should.

I saw two women decked out in evening formal wear. I would've suspected they were singers, except they were parked in one of the public $5 lots. Many people were wearing jeans, cowboy boots, and cowboy hats...one guy was wearing all three plus what looked like an American flag poncho.

I also saw quite a few limosines. I couldn't see in and probably wouldn't be able to identify the singer anyway, but there was definitely an atmosphere of excitement downtown.

What I can't figure out, though, is why the CMA awards aren't on the main TV networks. I wouldn't watch them any other time, but I might like to watch them for the one year I live in the city where they are given and where all the people live...

Yeehaw.

Posted by Anna at 07:51 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack

But I Really Am!

I'm trying to get my work done...honest!

And that clarification is the only thing of consequence happening in my life right now.

Posted by Anna at 02:02 PM | TrackBack

April 09, 2005

Don't Say I Didn't Warn You...

I'm out of original stuff to blog. I feel like I have to post something, though, and I came across some really dumb warnings on packages in my apartment. Of course, this sent me into a mission to determine other warnings that seem obvious yet are printed on items everywhere. Here are a few of the weird warnings I saw today:

1. There's a coupon inside the plastic wrapper of a frozen pizza. On the box it says, "Remove paper coupon before cooking product. Do not eat coupon."

2. On the back of my body wash, there is a warning that says, "Use of this product may cause some surfaces to become slippery."

3. On my deodorant: "For external use only."

4. My package of disinfecting kitchen cleaning wipes warns, "Product not suitable for baby care. Avoid prolonged contact with skin."

5. On my digital camera's box: "Consuming camera batteries may cause fatal injury.

6. The back of a bottle of liquid drain opener says, "Do not soak skin in this product."

7. I just got a new box of colored permanent markers. The box says: "Markers will discolor skin and stain clothing. Do not use for personal ornamentation."

Are some people really this dense? OK, so here's your part: what kind of stupid warnings have you seen lately?

Oh, and I discovered that there is a website devoted to these irrational warnings called, appropriately enough, Dumb Warnings.

And though this picture isn't exactly a warning, it made me laugh and wonder exactly why it was required:

Posted by Anna at 09:00 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

April 08, 2005

Protection

God was watching over my family today. Thank you, God, for always keeing Your children close.

Genesis 28:15
I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go.

Posted by Anna at 09:11 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

Sticky Situation

I got myself hopelessly tangled in my DYMO LabelWriter about an hour ago. Am I the only one who frequently gets outsmarted by office equipment?

I was printing off 30 labels during work and it seemed to be taking forever. In my impatience, I clicked "print labels" about 10 times. The machine started dispensing labels faster than I could blink. I tried to tear them off as they came out, but it was useless. My desk was getting covered and they were spilling off the top and down on the floor and around my phone and over my printer. Finally, I just started wrapping the labels around my wrists and neck and arms. By the time all 300 or so labels printed, I was wrapped up like a mummy.

*sigh* I'm just glad I got here early enough that nobody saw me, but late enough that there were other people in the building in case I needed help. Somehow, the newspaper headline of "Graduate Student Suffocates From Ill-Placed Labels" doesn't appeal to me right now.

The phrase "What a tangled web we weave" has a completely new meaning for me now. I wove my own tangled web of address labels. At least they still had the paper backing and I didn't have to physically peel them off my skin. I suppose it could've been worse.

I think I need sleep. That's my only excuse.

Posted by Anna at 09:50 AM | TrackBack

April 05, 2005

Keep On Chuggin'

I didn't sleep last night because I was finishing a paper.

I'm not going to sleep tonight because I'm finishing a project.

Is grad school really worth it?

"I think I can, I think I can, I think I can..."

Posted by Anna at 07:43 PM | Comments (5) | TrackBack

April 04, 2005

Good Reason for the Time Change

It’s so amazing to me how sometimes there is absolutely nothing to write about and sometimes I’m bursting with things to blog.

Unfortunately, I’m in a bit of a slump. I’m overwhelmed with projects and papers and simply don’t have time to look for the humorous or odd things in my life.

And I missed Anti-Circumcision Day, so there’s a holiday I didn’t blog about. Durn.

But here is something I've thought about lately:
I hate time changes, particularly the one in the spring where it feels like you lose an hour. I did find a highlight, though: it's light longer so you see a lot more.

But in the last 5 hours since I left for class and have since returned, I saw several interesting things that I can share that otherwise would've been shadowed by the darkness. Nothing of consequence or with any real substance, but just some things:

1. I saw a police foot pursuit. A guy was running down the sidewalk near the housing projects and being chased by police. The guy was tossing all sorts of baggies (drugs, presumably) from his pockets as he ran. I was tempted to pull over and show the cops chasing him where the baggies landed so a little kid in the projects wouldn’t find them, but it looked as though the police were doing a fine job on their own.

2. I saw a little African-American boy walking around campus with his parents. So cute. His hair was braided into dreadlocks, and my first thought was Buckwheat from Little Rascals. I couldn’t help but smile.

3. I saw a homeless man thrust his hand into a car’s window outside the stoplight by the rescue mission. Teaches the driver to keep their windows up around that area, I guess.

4. I saw 2 lesbians deep-kissing in their car next to me at another stoplight. Even though the kissing was clearly 2 women, I’m not sure it would’ve repulsed me any less if it was a hetero couple. Kissing like that in public is just gross, no matter your sexual preference.

5. I saw a male professor adjust his crotch when he didn’t think anyone was watching (OK, that one would've happened whether or not we had a time change). The building where I have class has an indoor atrium thing on the ground level filled with tables and chairs. From the ground floor, you can look up and see all the hallways leading to faculty offices for 3 floors above you. I was at a table, completing the crossword puzzle in the campus newspaper and glanced up when I heard some keys jingling. There was a professor engaged in, um, making himself more comfortable.

6. I saw a car parked at the side of the road, still smoldering from an engine fire. The whole front end was burned. I hope it didn’t belong to a family that depended on that car for their survival.

7. I saw an obscenity on a carwash sign. Apparently a worker was having a little fun with his assignment to update the sign. It was supposed to say “Wash it here? Yes!” The sign, though, read “Wa? Sh** here? Yes!”

And that’s it. I gotta get back to work. Big paper due tomorrow, big project due Wednesday. Not anywhere finished with either…

Posted by Anna at 07:00 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

April 01, 2005

Elementary Day...Again

I'm out of the March PhotoQuest. [Sorry, Flip! :(] It just didn't happen in March--my camera needs batteries and I kept forgetting to purchase them. But you can still check out the other PhotoQuest blogs on Flip's site. Just click on their links in the sidebar.

I do, however, have some stories from yesterday's time at the elementary school.

Me: Hi, Kimberly! Will you play some counting games with me?
Kimberly (kindergartner): Yay! I wuv when I get to pway games wiff you. But I have a pwobwem today.
Me: Oh, no! What kind of problem?
Kimberly: Toots.
Me: Toots? (thinking maybe she's still misarticulating something)
Kimberly: Yeah, toots.
Me: What are toots? (now slapping hand for not considering the obvious early childhood euphemism for gas)
Kimberly *passing gas loudly*: Toots wike dose.

Now onto 4th grader Quentez, who I don't work with but I know from when I worked in Math Club last semester.
Me (in hallway en route to the preschool class): Hey, Quentez. What's up?
Quentez: You got any batteries?
Me: No...sorry. What do you need batteries for?
Quentez: I got this new Gameboy in my pocket. But I need batteries.
Me: I can't help you out with the batteries. Why did you bring your Gameboy to school? I would worry that it would get stolen?
Quentez: No, dude, I already stole it from somebody else.
Quentez *suddenly realizes his confession and starts stammering* Um, er, whew, um, I mean, I got it from my brother. It's new and it was still in the box but it was under his bed.
Me: Your brother? But he doesn't know you have it?
Quentez: No, I just took it from his hiding spot. He hadn't even opened it yet.
Me: Let's go talk to your teacher, OK?
I walked with Quentez back to his classroom, then talked with his teacher (a man I don't know) and left the situation in the teacher's responsibility (after all, I'm paid to tutor, not handle things. I'm taking a break from being the one in charge). I saw Quentez's teacher later in the hallway and asked how things turned out. Mr. Hillman said, "oh, it's no big deal. His brother was hiding it from Quentez to give it to him for his birthday next week. It's Quentez's anyway. He just got his birthday present a week early.

Once I was in the preschool special ed class, I worked with Devonte, a little guy who doesn't talk at all. I was helping during his art time, when his group was looking at a picture with Blue from Blue's Clues and counting them, then gluing the number of Blues next to the line. Devonte was more interested in carefully examining Blue, especially when he discovered that I'd say what body part he was pointing to and then ask him where that part was on his body.
Me: That's Blue's ear. Where's your ear?
Devonte: *pointing to his ear.*
Me: Yay! Where's Miss Anna's ear?
Devonte: *moving my hair and pointing to my ear*
Me: *clapping hands* Yes! What next?
Devonte: *pointing to Blue's tail*
Me: That's Blue's tail! Where's Devonte's tail?
Devonte: *grinning and pointing to his rear end.
Me: Hooray! What next?
Devonte: *pointing to Blue's nose.*
Me: Blue's nose. Where's your nose?
Devonte: *points to nose*
Me: Good job! Where's Miss Anna's nose?
Devonte: *starts to point to my nose but then inserts his finger into my nose* DAH!!
Me: *pulling Devonte's hand out of my nostril* Um, yeah, that's Miss Anna's nose. Let's go wash your hands.

In the third grade classroom, the kids were reading their science textbook. The teacher told the kids that Jupiter has clouds of acid over it.
Teacher: You all know what acid is, right?
Ricardo *who happens to be the smart kid in the class*: Yeah. When you puke, you throw up acid.
Class: Ew!! *looking at teacher to see if Ricardo is correct*
Teacher: Yeah, Ricardo, you do puke acid when you puke. But this is another kind of acid. There are different kinds.
Ricardo: Maybe so, but puke acid is the worst. Have you ever puked acid out your nose?
Class: Ew!
Teacher: Um, let's get back to the solar system.

But my favorite part of the day was reading with Conaquia. We read together quite often, since she's a second grader with early kindergarten reading abilities. Because of her reading level, she reads very easy books that have descriptive pictures to go along with the "Go, boy! Run fast!" text. Conaquia had chosen a book about a dragon on a picnic. At the end of the book, the dragon shot fireworks through his nose. Of course, it's up to the reader to notice the picture because the text certainly doesn't support it. Conaquia didn't seem to notice, so I pointed it out to her.
Me: Did you see Dragon? Look what he's doing with his nose!
Conaquia: *smiling but not responding*
Me: (hoping for some extra language stimulation) What's he doing?
Conaquia: He's, he's, he's, um...blowing his nose.
Me: Yeah, he's blowing his nose, but what's coming out?
Conaquia: Um, rainbow snot?
Me: No, silly. Look again. He's shooting fireworks out of his nose!
Conaquia: Oh! I see! Dude, that's hot.
Me: That's hot? I guess fireworks would be hot, huh?
Conaquia: No, I mean "that's hot" like Paris Hilton says it.
Me: Oh, like Paris Hilton.
Conaquia: Yeah, she's hot. And tight.
Me: Right...hot and tight. Hmm.

Posted by Anna at 02:42 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack