Inkblots: It's All About Meme!

April 30, 2005

It's All About Meme!

Ogre has created a new meme that has been going around my corner of the blogging world. Christopher tagged me to go next. Here are my answers. Please feel free to link up to your responses.

How this works: Immediately following there is a list of a bunch of different occupations. You must select at least 5 of them (feel free to select more). You may add more if you like to your list before you pass it on (after you select 5 of the items as it was passed to you). Each one begins with �If I could be�� Of the 5 you selected, you are to finish each phrase with what you would do as a member of that profession.

Once you�re done you get to tag three people you think will actually respond - and would have a good answer. Oh, and by all means, don�t forget to trackback to this post� and to Ogre�s original post so he can keep tracking the progress of his little creation.

If I could be a scientist�
If I could be a farmer�
If I could be a musician�
If I could be a doctor�
If I could be a painter�
If I could be a gardener�
If I could be a missionary�
If I could be a chef�
If I could be an architect�
If I could be a linguist�
If I could be a psychologist�
If I could be a librarian�
If I could be an athlete�
If I could be a lawyer�
If I could be an innkeeper�
If I could be a professor�
If I could be a writer�
If I could be a llama-rider�
If I could be a bonnie pirate�
If I could be a servicemember�
If I could be a photographer�
If I could be a philanthropist�
If I could be a rap artist�
If I could be a child actor�
If I could be a computer programmer�
If I could be a chicken-sexer...
If I could be a pilot...
If I could be a sports mascot (or the giant hotdog)...
If I could be a Zamboni machine operator at a hockey stadium...
If I could be a professional tightrope walker...

Here are mine:
If I could be a gardener, those poor flowers wouldn�t have a chance. I�ve inadvertently killed a cactus and an aloe plant. I would, however, hire a �gardener assistant� who would do the watering and the weeding. I would just go and sing to the flowers. Oh, wait�maybe that�s how they died to begin with.

If I could be a rap artist, I would purchase those shimmery gold lame� pants that were on clearance at the half-price clothes store. When something is on extra clearance in a clearance store, you know it�s atrocious. Somehow, though, I think the pants would work if I was a beginning rap artist. Either that, or I�d look like a cheap hooker. I�m not sure which.

If I could be a computer programmer, I would have to have a good prescription insurance plan. That job would require tremendous amounts of Ritalin. I just don�t have the attention to detail that it needs. When I was younger, I used to get a magazine (I can�t even tell you now what it was) that had a page in the back that listed all the input codes to create a simple game for the good ol� Apple IIe. I never ever got one of those to work, even though I�d spend hours tediously entering all the quotation marks and colons and random letters that the magazine listed. I would always have to give up after a few hours because I would get so frustrated.

If I could be a painter, I would make millions. I�ve never understood how splattering paint on a canvas like Jackson Pollock did is respected as great art�one of the preschoolers at school on Thursday covered me in splattered paint as I tried to contain his efforts onto the oatmeal container that would serve as a drum later. It could�ve passed for a Pollock work. If 4 year old Scottanius can paint like Pollock, I can too. See, I would paint something quickly, then spend my time inventing some sort of deeper sociocultural statement out of it. If I created a really profound meaning, my painting would become priceless�and I would become wealthy.

If I could be an architect, I wouldn�t design buildings like the Taj Mahal or even nifty things like Frank Lloyd Wright designed. Instead, I would design grocery stores. I would design simple methods to make grocery stores more efficient: aisles that are wide enough for two carts to go by each other even if the carts aren�t shoved up against the shelves, lines of traffic flow that mandate common courtesy rules like directional orientation (most people seem to follow the rules of the road where they keep their cart on the right side of the aisle, but there are some people who insist on defying this unspoken expectation and cause head-on collisions), and merger lanes when coming out of a blind aisle. Just like on the road. You have a few seconds to merge into traffic before the lane ends. It cuts down on accidents when you can�t see around the edge of the aisle, particularly on Wednesday mornings (Senior Citizen Day) at Kroger. Merger lanes or mirrors. I don�t know how many times people have pulled out of the aisle and broadsided my cart. Grr.

I added a few professions to the end of the list. As for the people that will answer this, I don't know. I'm so tardy in my blogging that most of my personal friends have already posted on their blogs and I don't have a whole lot of blogging friends yet. Maybe I can sweet-talk Carrie into helping me out??

Of course, any readers are more than welcome to comment and trackback. We can blogroll each other if you want...

How's that for a desperate plea for new e-buddies??

Posted by Anna at April 30, 2005 02:38 PM

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Comments

Ok, I'm game.

Posted by: Carrie at May 1, 2005 10:23 PM