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October 31, 2005
Knock-Knockin'
OK, so we all know it's Halloween. But did you know that it's also National Knock Knock Joke Day? Unfortunately, it's not as easy or as much fun to tell a knock knock joke by yourself, but since this is a one-writer blog, I'll do the best I can. In honor of today:
Knock knock!
Who's there?
General Lee.
General Lee who?
General Lee I don't tell knock knock jokes, but I couldn't resist sharing some on National Knock Knock Day.
Knock knock!
Who's there?
Sarah.
Sarah who?
Sarah reason you're not laughing at my stupidity?
Knock knock!
Who's there?
Albie.
Albie who?
Albie durn, this is stupider than I thought.
Knock knock!
Who's there?
Dismay.
Dismay who?
Dismay not be as funny of a post as I'd wanted, OK? Get over it!
Knock knock!
Who's there?
Anna.
Anna who?
Anna body know of any better knock knock jokes than me?
Please share some better jokes so I can restore the dignified knock knock holiday to its intended splendor!
(I actually had a knock knock Halloween related cartoon, but the flashing punkins make me giggle every time!)
Posted by Anna at 01:37 AM | Comments (6) | TrackBack
October 24, 2005
Ran Into Reba--Almost
I think I've lived in Nashville too long. Why do I think this, you ask?
I nearly got broadsided today near Music Row (the music recording studios) by a stretch limousine that ran a red stoplight.
Ordinarily, I suspect one's first thought in a near-accident is something like, "Oh my gosh, that was a close one! I'm lucky I was able to swerve!" or even "What kind of moron runs a stoplight when it's clearly red?" Instead, the first thing that came to my mind was, "What if Reba McIntire is in that limo? What if I am in an accident that kills a country music star? Would people hate me forever for taking away their idol?"
Sheesh. You know you've been in Nashville too long when you're more concerned about being in an accident that injures a country music star than you are about your own safety.
Posted by Anna at 05:48 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack
October 23, 2005
Birthday Wish-List
I'm giving you just enough time to purchase a gift for my birthday the first week in November.
I'm asking for anything from here. I'm particularly fond of the Freudian slippers, though I think I would be equally delighted with just about everything. Except maybe the backwards clock. I think that would stretch my brain to a painful level.
I will be eagerly anticipating my presents.
Posted by Anna at 08:24 PM | Comments (6) | TrackBack
October 21, 2005
Don't Get Your Panties in a Knot!
I've always liked the phrase, "Don't get your panties in a knot," which, I believe, roughly translates to, "Calm down."
Last night, though, I did find myself with my panties in a knot--literally.
I was dog-sitting. As I usually do when I'm house-sitting, I took over my laundry (it saves money for me and also saves me from a trip to the scary laundromat). I threw in a load of what I thought was just jeans and t-shirts.
When I went back to transfer everything to the dryer, I discovered that I could not lift any of my clothes out; they seemed to be glued to the agitator by some sort of invisible suction. I tugged...and tugged...and tugged. After an unnerving ripping sound, one pair of jeans was released from the centrifugal force within the washer. I then got a good look at what was pinning my clothes against the agitator: a lone pair of purple panties.
It seems that somehow a pair of my underwear slipped into the washer along with my jeans. Based on my limited scientific knowledge, here's what I think happened. The spinning had sucked my clothes against the agitator, then my skivvies got skewered on the agitator and ended up getting woven around my clothes. One of the seams tore at some point, because I think the ends then somehow wrapped themselves in and out of the little support things at the bottom of the agitator and ended up knotting up, essentially gluing my load of clothes to the agitator.
Even though I had discovered my problem, I still didn't have a solution to freeing my clothes that were being held hostage by a pair of torn and knotted purple panties. Without many other options, I was left to painstakingly unweave the clothes from my unmentionables, one item at a time. Finally, I got all the clothes out and was left to examine my ruined undies.
My underwear was stretched and twisted into a long rope, knotted several times, and torn beyond recognition.
After I removed the undies from their place of death, I then had another dilemma: what to do with the underwear? Since I'm at my boss's house, dare I put them in the trash can and risk him seeing them when he gets home later today? Do I wrap them in a Wal-Mart bag and take the bag outside to the trash bin and pray he doesn't wonder what the unusual Wal-Mart bag is doing in his bin when it was completely empty yesterday? Do I put them, wet, torn, and knotted, into my overnight bag and leave them there while I spend all day at work?
I wish I could describe it better, because it was definitely a sight to see. I wanted to take a picture but I didn't have my camera...and I'm not sure I want my mangled underwear displayed for all to see anyway! So...the best I can give you is a generic washing machine photo without any purple underwear:
Posted by Anna at 11:31 AM | Comments (7) | TrackBack
October 19, 2005
Apologies to Brown Shirt Boy
To the teenage boy who I nearly plowed into in the Vanderbilt Medical Center East parking garage:
May I extend my sincere apologies. I had no intentions of engendering a panic response in you that will require several years of intensive psychotherapy.
In my defense, however, you did not exercise prudent judgment when you kneeled down behind my (running!) car to tie your sneaker. You were honestly out of the line of sight in all my mirrors. How could you not hear my car ignition? And why would you kneel down in the middle of a parking garage anyway?
I'm sorry I made you scream. I promise that I won't tell your friends that you nearly wet yourself in your fright; the incident would have probably been my fault if it had happened so I won't tease you. Nevertheless, please use your common sense the next time your shoelace comes undone, OK?
Posted by Anna at 03:47 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack
October 11, 2005
Revenge of the Charmin Bears
I’ve shared my hatred of the Charmin bears before. I don’t like the image of bears copping a squat against a tree and singing when I know full well what they’re doing against that tree.
Tonight, though, as soon as I plopped down on the couch and flipped on the TV, I saw a new one. This one literally made me gag. (I must admit, I do have an extraordinary gag reflex, but this was still pretty gross)
Has anyone seen this new one? It’s where a duck sails down the little Charmin river (as in a body of water, not a dribble from no toilet paper) and sings a little song to the bear about how using dry tissue might not be enough. He advertised the new little wet wipe things, this time for grown-ups so they don’t feel so awkward buying baby wipes. But come to think of it, is buying adult wipes with a cartoon bear on the top really any less awkward than buying baby wipes with a cartoon bear?
What was really icky, though, was when a human hand appeared with a strip of toothpaste on the back of it. The other hand wiped the toothpaste off with toilet paper (toothpaste representing, of course, well, you know). Of course, since the dry tissue merely smeared the whole mess around, it was necessary to use the wet wipey doodad. (Heh, doo. No pun intended!)
Yuck. These commercials just get more and more disgusting every day.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I taught preschool special ed. Cleaning poop was a crappy part of my job (ha! Did it again!). I don’t want the commercials about poop to be so sugar-coated and sweet, though. Just tell it like it is: Hey, folks, if you don’t get clean after a few swipes, try this wet thing!
Honestly, would all the little Southern Belles pass out if they heard something like that on TV? I would rather hear something honest like that than see little dancing bears holding hands and pooping against trees.
What’s so sad is that, now that I’ve been introduced to this whole toothpaste/poop analogy, I’m not sure I’ll be able to brush my teeth again for awhile!
Fun Fact: Did you know that the Charmin bears have names? Somehow, knowing that papa bear's name is Leonard makes everything worse!
Posted by Anna at 08:32 PM | Comments (8) | TrackBack
October 10, 2005
Lesson For the Python--Don't Try It!
I hope the Burmese pythons in the Everglades took note: you shouldn't try to swallow an alligator. Your friend blew up because he tried.
As disgusting is the picture is...it's kind of cool at the same time. In case you haven't seen it, that's the back end of the alligator sticking out of the exploded body of the python. The rest of the python's body is in the water. Yum.
I think this is where the line "See you later, alligator" comes in.
Wrote a little poem about it:
To hungry pythons, I wrote you an ode
Don't eat gators if you don't want to explode
Your eyes are bigger than your gut
If you eat it, you're a nut
Just stick with the turtles and toads.
Posted by Anna at 02:14 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
October 07, 2005
I Missed Rockapella!
I just learned very disappointing news.
If I had been prudent, I would've noticed that Rockapella had a concert near me last night.
Dang. One of the icons of my pre-teen and teen years and I missed them. I got hooked on the game, then I watched the shows. I even had a few Carmen Sandiego books.
And just in case you want to get nostalgic and sing the themesongs to both "Where in the World" and "Where in Time," here are the lyrics.
Great. Now I'm disappointed AND I have the themesongs running through my head.
Posted by Anna at 02:25 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack
October 05, 2005
Depends on Me
Am I the only person who has ever contemplated purchasing adult diapers just so I don't have to get out of bed before my alarm clock to pee?
Sometimes my alarm clock goes off before my bladder dictates awaking, but this wasn't one of those mornings. Drowsily, I struggled with leaving my cozy warm bed for the chilly toilet seat for several minutes until my bladder won. Then, of course, I shuffled back to bed but by then I was awake and my bed didn't feel as warm and comfy.
Please, someone, anyone, tell me that you've thought about the same thing so I don't feel really weird for wanting to buy Depends!
Posted by Anna at 09:14 AM | Comments (3) | TrackBack
October 04, 2005
Trying Not to Pee from Laughing
OK, so I can't stop watching short video clip. I laugh every single time. Well, I laugh every time after the initial flinch because I know what's coming.
Seriously. It's like a bad car accident. You know you shouldn't look, but you do.
Go watch it. Now. That's a command.
After about the fifth time you watch it, check out the guy in the orange jacket's reaction. That's great in itself.
Posted by Anna at 11:39 AM | Comments (6) | TrackBack
October 03, 2005
Because I Have Nothing Else to Post...
1. WHAT COLOR PANTS ARE YOU WEARING RIGHT NOW? Red flannel with penguins wearing sweaters. Pajamas are comfy.
2. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? The air conditioner rattling. My landlords upstairs control the air so I don’t have any input in when it goes on or off, hence the flannel jammies.
3. SOUPS OR SALAD? Probably soup, but a salad if it has good dressing, some sort of meat, and lots of radishes.
4. WHAT’S THE LAST THING YOU ATE? A bowl of soup and a PBJ sandwich. Didn’t feel like cooking tonight. It’s one of the advantages of living by myself—nobody to cook for!
5. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? Well, according to this:
You are |
 |
6. WEATHER RIGHT NOW? Unusually warm for October—it’s supposed to be 88 degrees tomorrow.
7. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? My mom.
8. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT YOU THIS? Well, I stole—er, borrowed, it from WIT?! and Avoiding Evil, and I do like both of those guys.
9. HOW ARE YOU TODAY? Um, fine, thanks. How are you?
10. FAVORITE DRINK? Orange-Strawberry-Banana Crystal Light.
11. FAVORITE SPORTS TEAM? Uh…I don’t know. I don’t really follow any teams, though I do know that Vandy lost their perfect record last weekend.
12. EYE COLOR? Dark brown. My mom calls them chocolate brown.
13. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? Yep, thankfully. I broke my glasses last year, so I don’t have much choice in the matter unless I want to walk around with no ear piece on the left side.
14. SIBLINGS AND THEIR AGES? David, 16.
15. FAVORITE FOOD? Something with lots of garlic, preferably with melty cheese and tomato sauce.
16. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? My collection of Wonder Years DVDs.
17. FAVORITE DAY OF THE YEAR? Last day of the semester after all my assignments are turned in.
18. ARE YOU TOO SHY TO ASK SOMEONE OUT? I used to be too shy—but I haven’t really had time lately to even consider my options and discover if I’m still too shy.
19. SUMMER OR WINTER? Spring, mid-April to be exact.
20. RELATIONSHIPS OR ONE NIGHT STANDS? I’m actually not too interested in either right now.
21. CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA? Chocolate unless it’s ice cream in an ala mode situation, in which case it needs to be vanilla because chocolate ice cream doesn’t mix with apple pie.
22. DO YOU WANT YOUR FRIENDS TO WRITE BACK? As in comment? Sure.
23. WHO IS MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND? I don’t know—I’m not sure I know who will read this anyway.
24. LEAST LIKELY? See #22
25. LIVING ARRANGEMENT: Apartment in basement of old house. Landlords are two senior adults with interesting personalities.
26. WHAT BOOK(S) ARE YOU CURRENTLY READING? Savage Inequalities, Cultural Diversity and Education, CHAMPs: Proactive and Positive Approach to Classroom Management, Research Design: Qualitative, Quantitative, and Mixed Methods Approaches, and Surviving Your Dissertation.
27. Name as it appears on birth certificate: Anna Marie Emily. I like it because my first name is a palindrome. Also, my name has a nice cadence to it and, if my first and last name are spelled in capital block letters, my name has all straight letters and no curvies.
28. Number of candles on your last birthday cake: 25, but my birthday’s next month (so start planning your present now!).
29. Pets: There is a mouse (though I believe it’s actually a shrew) in my kitchen that I’ve named Algernon III (the critters in my college apartment were named Algernon and Algernon Junior). Otherwise, the landlords upstairs have a dog named LeeLee and a cat named Tootie.
30. Piercing: Nope. I’ve never put a hole where God didn’t put one except for a few injuries here and there.
31. Tattoos: No permanent tattoos, but I did buy a pack of tattoo gum the other day just because it’s cool.
32. Hometown: Sullivan, Missouri or Bolivar, Missouri, depending on my mood and who I’m talking with.
33. Town you live in: Nashville, Tennessee
34. Have you ever been to Africa? No, but I’ve been to other continents
35. Croutons or bacon bits? Both.
36. Favorite day of the week: Thursday—because it means that my Wednesday night class is over for another week. I worry a lot about my Wednesday class, so Thursdays are a big relief for me.
37. Favorite restaurant: Any kind that’s cheap but has good food.
38. Favorite sport to watch: Does people-watching count?
39. Favorite ice cream flavor: Ben & Jerry’s Phish Food
40. Favorite fast food restaurant: Arby’s
41. What color is your bedroom carpet? Neither—it’s wood. Actually, stained plywood. But poor students shoudn’t expect luxury!
42. How many times did you fail your driver’s test? 0—I passed it even though I couldn’t parallel park and still can’t. Oh, yeah—and I couldn’t figure out how to turn on my bright lights because I’d never driven at night before the test.
43. Before this one, who did you get your last e-mail from? A professor thanking me for being helpful to her today.
44. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card? Book Gallery for Kids.
45. Favorite place to vacation: Wherever; I’m flexible. I would like another visit to Washington, DC, though.
46. Last person you went out to dinner with: A bunch of my relatives were in town over the weekend, so I went out with lots of people to Cock of the Walk (bad name, good food).
47. What is your favorite snack food? Microwave popcorn.
48. Favorite outdoor activity? Walking Amber, my boss’s dog that I sometimes sit for. She’s just sweet.
49. Favorite indoor activity? Watching TV.
50. Time you finished this? 8:10 p.m.