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December 12, 2005
Spongy Misunderstanding
I get a thrill out of coupons. Even if I don’t really need the item I’m buying, I always feel justified buying it if I have a coupon. Tonight I was at Wal-Mart looking for the Scotch-Brite kitchen sponges (I needed some, and I was going to save 35 cents!). I don’t believe I’ve purchased sponges before at that particular store, and they weren’t in the location that seemed the most logical. I sought out a blue-vested Wal-Mart associate for assistance. There weren’t any workers in the housewares section, so I targeted a friendly looking middle-aged woman named Loretta. Following is my conversation with Loretta:
Me: Excuse me (pausing to look at nametag), Loretta.
Loretta: Yeah?
Me: I’m looking for sponges. Do you know where I could find them?
Loretta: You want the plain kind or the kind with the gunk in ‘em?
Me: Well, I guess whatever is closest. I do like the kind with the antibacterial stuff already in it, but it doesn’t really matter. I don’t mind using the antibacterial stuff along with them.
Loretta: Antibacterial? Well, you’ll have to use somethin’ different. The FDA banned those antibacterial kind. We don’t carry the antibacterial sponges any more. Walgreen’s does, though.
Me: The FDA banned antibacterial sponges? Really? Well, I don’t want to go to Walgreen’s--they’re not that important to me. How about the plain ones? Where are those?
Loretta: Go that way *pointing the opposite way from housewares* and ask someone over there. That ain’t my department.
Me: Um, that’s the pharmacy. Are you sure the sponges aren’t over by the kitchen cleaners?
Loretta: No, child. The sponges with the antibacterial kind were recalled, but the plain ones is over in the pharmacy.
Me: Um, I’m not sure I’m communicating effectively. Thanks for your help, but I’ll just keep looking for someone in housewares.
Loretta: Hang on, girl. What kind of sponges you after? I thought you wanted the antibacterial kind.
Me: Well, I do, but, see, I have a coupon for the Scotch-Brite kind, so I was going to get some of those. Or whatever is cheapest. I don’t really care anymore.
Loretta: OH! You mean you need KITCHEN sponges!?! I thought you needed birth control! Why you need the antibacterial sponges if you're cleanin' your kitchen?
It was at that moment that I realized our misunderstanding. Loretta thought I was looking for contraception. She confused the word “antibacterial” with “spermicidal.”
Sheesh. Poor woman. She must’ve thought I was really desperate because I was getting so impatient with her! I keep thinking that maybe I did something to mislead her, but I checked myself. I was not dressed like a floozy, hanging on the arm of a rugged gentleman, or filling my cart with lingerie. I mean, I was in HOUSEWARES, for pete’s sake! I really don’t think I’m the one at fault here!
So, Loretta, if you’re reading this, I recommend you educate yourself a little more thoroughly on the differences between the varieties of sponges you carry in your store. It may have been an honest mistake (maybe?), but please don’t let it happen again. I think I’m still blushing from the whole experience.
And wouldn’t you know, I forgot to get those dang sponges after all?!?!
Posted by Anna at December 12, 2005 07:10 PM
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Comments
If the FDA banned them, why would Wallgreens carry them? Wouldn't they be banned from being carried at Wallgreens?
Am I just uninformed on such things? Which is probably very much the case. 
Posted by: Christopher at December 12, 2005 09:21 PM
wow that would traumatize me! poor loretta! poor anna!
Posted by: lisa at December 13, 2005 11:05 AM
I bet that WAS embarrassing! When we were on our honeymoon, my husband, who used to never buy his own condoms because he was embarrassed, actually had the nerve to complain to the cashier that the condoms that I had put on the checkout counter rang up too high! So of course, the cashier just had to get on the loudspeaker and call for a price check on Trojan lubricated-ribbed 12 pack.
Posted by: Dana at December 13, 2005 11:08 AM
Nice blog. Weird experience you had there with Loretta. Hopefully she figures out the HUGE difference between antibacterial and spermicidal.
Posted by: T. at December 13, 2005 11:30 AM
Love the way you describe this funny
situation.
Marie 
Posted by: marie at December 13, 2005 11:48 AM
I can only hope for the sake of mankind that you made this up for our reading amusement and that there isn't someone in the world as clueless as Loretta! Yikes
Posted by: Tired Tunia at December 13, 2005 08:40 PM
hilarious :)
Posted by: jessica at December 14, 2005 09:09 AM
LOL! Reminds me, I heard a story of someone who needed tampons, so a lady, over the walkies they have, asked around. A guy replied, "Does she want the kind you push in or the kind you hammer in?" to the embarassment of the customer. The guy thought she said "Push pin".
Posted by: IdentityMIA at December 14, 2005 09:13 AM